now i have the internet at home.
so this is how things have been....

At my dads, things went from bad to worse, to hell. fast. being pregnant didnt help any at all.
me and my dad dont talk anymore and i dont really care right now. i take it a day at a time cause part of me still wants to have a relationship with him, but ive tried to for so long.. so many years. and he hasnt even wanted it until now that i turned away. i cant put myself through his shit anymore. he made his choice and i made mine.

Kami's house didnt work either. for different reasons that i dont even want to touch basis on. just didnt work.

i moved back in with my mom around thanksgiving. been here since. just barely got the internet though. i had my baby, followd with my plans of adoption. where she can be given the world and more.
The family didnt arive from canada to utah for 3 days afer she was born so i got to hold her and give her that bond with a mommy that babies need instead of leaving her in the nursery. everything i did, i did for her. i didnt care how it would make me feel, or how hard it would be. all i knew is whats best for her and thats all i cared about the whole pregnancy. Its not her fault her daddy bounced. its not fair for me to live off the state to raise a child when im not fully ready. her future. her life. needs the best.
i still cry when i look at babies, hear a certain song, wear the shirt i wore into the hostpital, when i look at the pics soemtimes... im healing. but i know my choice was right.

last night i got intoxicated with josh and tasha lol
the night before that i went with josh to the bar. met tons of people i cant even remember cause there was so many. i didnt drink cause i was drivin.

tonight i was supposed to go to manson... but it got postponed to tomorrow. im excited. me sharon and josh are goin i kno that much. i guess ryan will be there with his fiance... i realized last night how fast he goes through girls and so glad im not a part of that anymore. i got a good life going for me right now. we had a good time we had a good love but now im moved on and ive seen and have found better. not with anyone.. but i kno better guys. ones i deserve to have and one who i think deserves to be with me but u kno.. lol